Surviving Manila Traffic
Driving through Manila takes a special skill and tenacity. We all complain about traffic. Coming from LA, I thought the 405 took the record of most unbearable traffic jam. After driving in Manila for a while, the drive always ends with a prayer for a miracle.
This is a re-enactment. Sometimes ice cream carts and bicycles also end up crossing major intersections. Chickens are optional, depending where you are. In this diagram, I’ve lumped 4 vehicle classes: cars, buses, motorcycles, and jeepneys. If you don’t know what a jeepney is, take a gander: http://bit.ly/fi71wh. Don’t let the colours fool you. These are the deadliest road muthaf***z in town.
A guy on a motorcycle also kicked my car as he passed by.
So I’ve devised a plan. Let’s redesign the road for Manila drivers, because normal road rules don’t apply here.
I don’t need to state the obvious benefits of steel walls dividing lanes. People cut in and out at split seconds here. YOU WILL DIE. These will mediate that problem. On the left side, seeing as it’s such a hazard to cross, according to the government, I suggest replacing the sidewalk altogether with hot oil or screaming children. Both equally frightening.
Pedestrians are also unnerving in the city. They walk in and out of the roads without a care in the world. And they’re some kind of superheroes, because they seem unstoppable. So, here’s a solution. Erect a solid wall barring them from the road. To discourage them from jumping the fence, spikes are embedded on the wall. To get to public transit, they would have to buzz in a doorway to a walkway with built in electric sensors. If they stray from the line, they get shocked.
Now all I need is to get this passed in legislation.
MANILA, Philippines — A 15-year-old member of the so - called “Batang Hamog,” known to attack vehicles with unlocked doors stuck in traffic and commuters, was killed after being hit by a speeding vehicle driven by a Korean national in Makati City, while running away from his last victim.
In a report by SPO3 Sabado Pujeda, chief of investigation section of the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA), victim Jomari Robilla, 15, and resident of Macda, Cembo, Makati City, died while being treated at the Mandaluyong Medical Center, on Wednesday afternoon.
According to investigation, driver Kum Ju Kim, a Korean national and residents of Greenhills, San Juan City, was driving a Toyota Innova, with licensed number ZGB 114, along the northbound of EDSA, 11 p.m. Monday night.
Upon reaching the vicinity of Guadalupe, particularly under the MRT station, the boy came running to cross the street. Instantly the boy was hit, prodding her to rush the boy at the said hospital.
Upon verification with the Makati City police, Pujeda said that the victim was included in a series of robbery incidences in Guadalupe, involving minors or so-called “Batang Hamog.”
A victim, Kathleen Coronel, personally identified Robilla as the person who snatched her bag, minutes before he was hit. Reports has it that Robilla snatched her bag, on 11 p.m., Monday, along Guadalupe, EDSA, wherein P3,000, some Euro currency, cell phones, credit cards and important documents were lost.
While no family of the victim has surfaced yet, police are preparing the reckless imprudence resulting in homicide charges against Kim.
The EDSA Guadalupe area has of late been the staging area of the notorious “Batang Hamog” in recent weeks. Several Southbound cars had been attacked and their occupants robbed by minors who would subsequently flee across the Northbound lane of EDSA. It is said that minors are recruited into the “Batang Hamog” due to the fact that they cannot be jailed by the police.
Yeah, go ahead and charge the driver! It’s totally normal for any person to just run across a wide street full of speeding cars! That’s not reckless at all! The police should also go ahead and continue to allow these thieves to operate because it’s “only a minor crime” compared to “homicide”. Yup, this is totally sane logic.
MMDA will launch a disciplinary campaign on vehicles who do not turn their lights on at night. We commend MMDA’s efforts, although it’s beyond ridiculous that this needs to be done. How dimwitted can you be if you don’t turn your LIGHTS ON when it’s DARK?! Common sense: it does not exist in this country.